Thursday, January 01, 2009

2009 Predictions

  • Barack Obama will start his term with a tremendous amount of good will and support for his economic stimulus package – whatever it is – because too many people will want and need it to succeed. If Republicans get in the way on the basis of their usual petty nonsense, they will just dig a deeper hole for themselves.
  • Barack Obama will start his term with a tremendous amount of good will and support around the world as he tries put the nation in a position to recover from the tremendous damage done by the arrogant, radical and reckless Bush administration. Hillary Clinton won’t be home much as she jets around the globe on a mission to unruffle feathers and get America back to its deserved respected-leader status. Not all of the damage is reparable, but Obama will have an advantage because of his background, because he has Clinton leading the effort and, most importantly, because he is Not Bush.
  • America and the world will breathe a collective sigh of relief when our brave troops start coming home from Iraq. Violence there will increase, as the kind of thugs who have always run that country make their move. In the end, Iraq will end up right where it started – with the meanest son-of-a-bitch in the country presiding over a brutal regime. The only difference between that guy and Hussein will be that Iraq will be a theocracy, aligned with Iran, and even more of a potential threat to Israel. Nice work, Bush.
  • Obama will have a chance to appoint at least two Supreme Court justices and, unlike Bush, will nominate people with impeccable legal pedigrees and no discernable ideological tilt, except for the inclination to be fair, which is a lefty trait, anyway. Republicans and their wing-nut lap dogs will pretend they are all lefty socialists anyway, and the general public will ignore them and move on.
  • Obama will end the year with an approval rating in the high 60s or higher.
  • Talk-radio clowns will continue to be completely flummoxed by Obama’s success and popularity, and will suffer ratings problems as a result. By the end of the year, they will spend more than half their time talking about finances and sports. Locally, the radio wing-nuts will shill full-time for Scott Walker’s campaign for governor. Their in-kind contributions will not be reported to the Government Accountability Board.
  • The conversion from analog to digital television in February will be delayed when it becomes clear that the need for a converter box will take free TV away from millions of Americans who still don’t have the box and couldn’t figure out how it works if they did. UPDATE 1/8/09: And here comes the delay...
  • The Milwaukee Journal Sentinel will follow the lead of the Detroit Free Press and limit home delivery to three days a week. By the end of the year, the paper will stop pretending to have separate sections and fold everything into two sections; maybe one. The paper will resort to hysterical headlines and endless self-righteous campaigns, like its current one about drunk driving. If something is missing from the paper, referrals will be made to the on-line edition. No matter what happens, the J-S will continue to find room to run 25-inches of Patrick McIlheran's blathering three days a week. By the end of the year, his tedious right-wing talking-point recitals will take up 25 percent of the available non-ad column inches.
  • The Brewers spend money and, maybe, trade one of their young superstars to create a decent-enough starting rotation. Prince Fielder will come into camp having dropped 30 pounds. Corey Hart will drop his at-bat country music for Nirvana and, this time, have a complete season. National League pitchers will continues to be stymied by Ryan Braun, who will hit 45+ homers despite being the most-walked batter in the league. The Brewers will win 90+ and win the division.
  • Despite strong lefty credentials and occasional accidental brilliance, Plaisted Writes will not be recognized by the Shepherd Express' Best of the Blogs page. Also, sometime this year, society page embarassments Boris and Doris will be invited to a party where no one but them shows up. They will write it up as a wonderful evening with Lou Fortis, Rip Tenor (as S-E mascot Art Kubalek) and other close friends.

5 comments:

jtl said...

If you see something written as a wonderful evening with Louis Fortis you know it must be fictional.

James Wigderson said...

It's okay, Mike. The Crazy Shepherd doesn't recognize my genius, either.

Ron said...

Mike, You forgot to add: After Barack Obama solves all the world's problems and get everyone on earth sing together hand in hand he will retire to Mount Olympus. ( Or maybe Hawaii)

Anonymous said...

What a bunch of garbage

Anonymous said...

Showing lack of prescience in nearly all categories touched on.

Obama will not be over 60% in popularity - will be lucky to be at 50%.

Brewers sucked once again.

Talk radio is alive and well, thanks to Obama's continual slide.

Troops INCREASING overseas.

And if you think Sotomayor was ideologically neutral, you are a true moron.

Digital conversion delay didn't take a genius - therefore you were right on.

Best point - you are NOT worthy of the Best of the Blogs. Congrats on getting that one right. You are in touch with your true worth as a blogger.