Don’t You Know That You Can Count Me Out (In)

The primary purveyor of violent revolution on local mainstream radio is the putrid Vicki McKenna on WISN. McKenna – who phones in her shtick from Madison, where she has been a thorn in the side of Truth and Common Sense for years – fancies herself a leader of the Tea Baggers. She even manages to get herself on the podium at their dog-and-pony shows, opening for such brilliant orators as Not-Joe the Not-Plumber and Michelle Malkin.

As the loopy right lost its collective mind over the passage of moderate health insurance regulation last week, McKenna was right out there with them, baying at the moon and pretending the People would soon extract Vengeance for this Tyrannical attack on Liberty. Or some such nonsense. McKenna offers up her two hours of free radio time every weekday morning to provide remarkably free advertising for all things Tea and GOP (same thing). Any staged astro-turf “rally” is promoted for weeks on her show. Republican politicians have a free pass to visit McKenna by phone or in studio any time to blather about their latest campaigns or ludicrous legislation. It has gotten to the point that she and Scott Walker should just, well, get a room.

And McKenna had a special message last week for anyone stupid enough to take her seriously, post-health insurance reform. In her standard “come on, people” mode, McKenna said, yeah, we gotta win Congress back in 2010; gotta take back the White House in 2012, gotta repeal and (hah) repair the health insurance legislation. But if she and her band of (now and future) losers can’t win at the ballot box...I mean, obviously, democracy be damned. Early last week, McKenna was forced to try to talk one of her dimmer listeners out of taking a gun to Washington -- for now, anyway. But McKenna’s only problem with that was timing. If we don’t win Congress back; if we don’t take the presidency back; if those elected to office don’t do what we say, well, then....

Then – what, exactly? The right-wing talking-point of alluding and winking at violent revolution throughout its echo-chamber got me to thinking – exactly what would that look like? When a supposed military guy like Owen Robinson says that violent revolution in the United States is inevitable, he must have some idea how that might happen as a practical matter (and some idea which side he would be on). I’m no military strategist, but it seems to me the following options are available when the unspontaneous combustion of the astro-prairie fire takes place:

• Luxury Tanks and Jet Stream Air Force – I imagine there are still training camps in northern Wisconsin used by the long, lost Posse Comitatus willing to provide space to train the silver-spooned would-be revolutionaries. (The racist Posse guys  and the other loopy McVeigh-wannabees are all at the Tea Party, anyway). After a couple weeks of hi-balls and paying the poor slobs who buy their crap to do their push-ups for them, the whole group will load into luxury coaches and private jets to head off to take their rightful place at the seat of power. The first problem will come at the Illinois border, where unanticipated toll booths will slow down the Charge of the Light-Headed Brigade significantly.
• Join Us! – In their fevered imagination, the Tea Baggers think all they have to do is grab their torches and pitchforks at the anointed time, head out the door and have the oppressed populace follow them out into the streets to storm the barricades of Washington. I’d like to see them try it. Out in the street, the Paul Revere in their heads pounding like a bad migraine, they will look back and see – nobody. Nobody is going to follow these arrogant clowns into the street, least of all to take away the new stability of their health care coverage. They will see only each other, at the designated place, seeing only the same red-necks who were at the meeting where they planned this fiasco in the first place. Welcome to the revolution. Now, who wants to go for beers
• Military Coup – The wet-dream of every political military man like Owen Robinson is to have the military commit treasonous mutiny and overthrow the inconvenient civilian government. Otherwise, how do they expect to overcome the finest military in the world that, if not co-opted would surely defend the government from the violent revolution they imagine? Such an expectation is an insult to the men and women who pledge the support the nation and – most importantly – its Constitution. The fine men and women who serve are not going to risk their reputation, honor and liberty for a bunch of greedheads who only want a change in health care policy to benefit their corporate benefactors.
• Terrorism – In the end, since the other types of violent revolution above are doomed to fail, this is really what the Tea Baggers are hoping for – a violent campaign of terror that will cause the sensible among us to crumble under their favorite tactic: FEAR. You could see it already last week in the campaign to break windows of non-pliant Congressmen, in the hateful voicemails, the white powder mailed in envelopes. Pretty funny coming from those who have been the first to wave the red flag of foreign terrorist Fear every time they wanted to curtail a civil liberty or elect a doofus like Junior Bush. But, in the end, it’s the only violent revolution they will have. Terrorism, after all, is the last refuge of the powerless, and the unelectable Tea Baggers are and will remain as powerless as they come.

So, bring it on, would-be violent revolutionaries. As President Obama said about Republicans repealing his moderate health insurance reform, “let them try”. Let’s get this phony specter of violent revolution out of the way by them trying and failing miserably. We shouldn’t even bother locking them up. Just pat them on the head and send them home. Come on back when you get a clue, losers.